My Marriage Fixer Upper! "Tear down that wall!"
I'm sure that most of us have watched HGTV or seen at least one episode of "Fixer Upper". Well the point of the show is to take a house that isn't quite what is desirable to being a home that the owners will love living in for the rest of their lives. Sometimes this is what is needed in our marriages. Things happen whether intentional or not that begin to take a toll on the relationship and we find ourselves in an undesirable condition of our relationship. Deep down on the inside we know that we desire to be with the person but we hate the condition of the relationship. Well it's time to for a fixer upper!
The first thing they do on the show is a walk through to determine all the issues of the house. Sometimes the house is structurally sound and it may even be in a livable state, but there are just things about the house that the buyers of the house just can't live with. It may be that the kitchen is too small, but there's a wall that can be removed to enlarge the kitchen. They may walk through a master bedroom and the problem is the closet or the onsuite bathroom is too small. But if we tear down this wall we can make this the bedroom of your dreams! So, these things though undesirable now can be fixed by tearing down a wall.
Walls often are structures in our mind that have been built over time through our experiences or the lack of experiences. Walls can be actions that have been set to be common in your personality or even character. Therefore sometimes it can literally be that one is unaware of the walls that they themselves have created until told by another. The problem is that when told in the wrong environment the one can be defensive and the wall will remain. But when both are actually walking around the house and noticing the deficiencies that they both since to be undesirable then the process of removing the wall or walls can tremendously enhance the space or the marriage.
The quality time that you give to your relationship may be too small, but if you'd remove the wall of whatever you are allowing to hinder that time it can be fixed. The attention you give to your relationship may be too small, so you have to take down that wall. And maybe the support of one another has become too small, or the affection for each other is too small and the list goes on! But you get the point. Whatever you see in your relationship that has began to wane to a level that is too small for your relationship to flourish you must begin to remove those walls to enlarge that space again. Some walls in the show seem to come down pretty easy. Some walls are very difficult to bring down because they are load baring walls. This means that if removed you have to be careful to set that space with a support beam to maintain the structure of the room or the ceiling will come down. There are some things in our relationships that we can make small adjustments here and there, like being more considerate of each other and giving more time and support to each other. And then there are some that we will be harder to deal with and we might need that support beam, marriage/relationship coach to help make sure the structure of the room or marriage
doesn't cave in during the process of the renovation. It's actually one of the wisest things you can do to better your relationship as a whole.
So you see, by removing walls you can make a space more desirable again. When the renovation of the space is complete and everything is fresh with new furnishings, on the show, you hear couples say things like I don't want to leave this room. And I want to impress that when you've removed some of the walls in your marriage that have lessened your desires for each other, you will say "We just love this space and we don't ever want to leave this room."