Rebooting Your Marriage!
Updated: Sep 14, 2020
In this modern age that we live in most homes have a computer or some form of a computer ie iPad or tablet. We have probably all had a moment when our computer or device has locked up, frozen or just discontinued to work when the WiFi is disconnected. When this happens the first thing we normally do before calling for a technician is "reboot" the modem. Rebooting is simply turning the modem off for a minute and then turning it back on. It's basically a restart. Rebooting gives the modem a fresh start because it totally disconnects from everything and begins a new connection not based on the problem that caused it to freeze or lock up. The same is sometimes required in our relationships.
Rebooting in our marriage means that we have to shut off for a while and restart fresh. Sometimes in our conversations when they've become unproductive and hurtful we have to just pull the plug and start over. Remaining in a conversation that is tit for tat or just argumentative with no progress of coming to a solution or compromise begins to become toxic if it's continued. One or both of us have to recognize that things aren't getting anywhere and say hey let's take a break from this for a minute and perhaps come back in a few minutes after we've both calmed down and taken time to digest some of the points made by the other.
Being married for 35 years I can tell you that I've had to reboot our conversation many times. But once we put this practice in place and started tabling certain conversations with the intent on addressing them again at a specific time it gives us the time we needed to come back and discuss things and not try to defend our thoughts on the matter. Truth is we found out that we both had valid thoughts and concerns. And it's not about who's right or who's wrong. It's about me showing you how concerned I am about your thoughts and then in return you can express to me the same concern for my thoughts. Now, instead of rebooting we just refresh the pages and continue to work on our relationship. It's okay to reboot if you have to, but I pray that eventually you will get to the point that you're just refreshing the page in your relationship of your marriage rather than rebooting.